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The Secret That Wasn't So Secret

We’re all capable of getting in our own way, no matter how much we’ve achieved in our lives. (It’s true, it’s a biological response necessary for survival) but like all our biological responses, they tend to take over in places they’re really not needed - aka our perceived threat over actual threat.

The act of self-sabotage that comes to mind first for me is when I get in the way of my weight loss efforts by snacking. Even though I keep very few snacks that I enjoy around the house, I’ll still find a way to thwart my efforts. For example, my son eats about 52 PB&Js a day, which he asks me to make and remove the crust from.

Why is the bread always so soft? Even the crust? 😞

Some days the crust doesn’t make it to the trash, and against my better judgment, I eat it. Then I end up feeling like a human trash can.

It’s something that can definitely get me down personally if I don’t stay on top of it. From my experience, it’s also something a lot of people can relate to.

When it comes to success and achievement in business, my “chosen” way of creating my own obstacles is by showing a lack of consistency.

This one really punches me in the gut. It left me feeling less than, and incapable every time it happened. I didn't like to talk about it, but then when I hired a coach or talked to a friend, they all said the same things-

“You have to stop ‘stopping.’

“You need to put yourself out there.”

“You need to keep going even when it feels like no one is listening.”

It got to the point where I would preface all my statements to new coaches or business friends with, “My biggest issue is that I keep starting and stopping.”

It was almost like saying, “Hey I know this is an issue, but help me make it better by telling me what ELSE to do.” I wanted to get the BIG secret out of the way, so we could move on and not discuss it anymore. I was ashamed and didn't want to deal with it.

Yet, I often wondered why it was so hard for me to get some things done when I’ve accomplished so much other stuff in my life.

Was there some force working against me?

Did I lack talent?

Did I lack intelligence?

No, it didn’t seem to be any of that. As a matter of fact, when I finally took a good look back, I realized that every time I didn’t achieve something I set out to do, it was by my own hands.

I got in my way EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

When I put anything out about my business, I felt like people weren’t taking me seriously.

And then realized maybe I wasn’t either. After all, by being inconsistent, I was teaching myself that I couldn’t be trusted to be here tomorrow or to show up when others might not.

Why would people around me NOT think the same thing?

I was giving them valid reasons NOT to take me seriously.

My "secret" was not so secret.

So there I was, even later in my life, with less time to learn, make mistakes, and self-sabotage like I used to with this lack of consistency issue that wasn’t going away.

I had two choices- a) learn how to get the fuck out of my own way or b) give up.

I wasn’t giving up.

I couldn’t. My desire to create a business to serve women to be their best was never going to go away. I’ve wanted to this before I even had the skills or knowledge to help myself, much less anyone else.

I had to dig into it.

When was I most likely to be inconsistent?

How was being inconsistent serving me?

They both tied into each other.

I was most inconsistent when I was afraid I wasn’t good enough- my post wasn’t good enough, my support wasn’t good enough, compared to others I wasn’t good enough.

And HOW (oh how) was it serving me?

Being inconsistent served me by keeping me “safe”( which really means keeping me hidden and unseen) from criticism, from making mistakes, from feeling embarrassed (which really means learning).

I listed all the times I found myself to be consistently inconsistent and had to make myself a promise that I would do the things ANYWAY.

I had to decided that being consistent was my top priority

-Not being perfect.

-Not being the best.

-Not having the largest amount of followers

-Not having a ton of interaction.

-Not accolades or reassurances.

I needed to show myself I was serious first, then everyone else.

I can happily share that I’ve been consistent with my business a lot more than I used to.

I have consistently shown up for my followers with a blog post and an email for 10 weeks straight. I rewarded myself as well- check out my Facebook post about it.

I’m now expanding on that and doing my best to post consistently on social media in order to serve and be seen so my “people” can find me.

Because we can’t help anyone if we don’t put ourselves out there.

And we can’t get better and be less afraid, if we aren’t consistent.

If you're interested in learning and sharing more about consistency, this Friday, March 24th, join me online for the first event in my Spring Sip and Share Series to Stop Self-Sabotage.

Take 30 minutes out of your Friday to unwind, connect, and chat! We will be chatting about all things dealing with consistency!

No pitches or selling. No forced sharing or calling you out.

Just time to connect with other women like yourself, building community and learning about how we can improve or help others with their consistency. Don’t forget to bring your favorite drink!

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