This is Why You're Feeling So Off
I’ve just had an experience with, in my opinion, the worst type of self-sabotage. It isn’t subtle. It isn’t slow. It’s very deliberate and it hits hard.
And while it was happening, I gave it EVERY name other than what it was.
I blamed it on my depression.
I blamed it on stress.
I blamed it on my hormones.
I had just come off giving a presentation on Work/Life Alignment (such an important part of creating the life you desire), one that I not only thoroughly enjoyed creating, but was even more excited to present. I received raving reviews from some of the participants. It was one of the best days I’ve had in business in a long time.
So what did I do?
I shut down.
Which appeared to be totally ok at first. I had spent several days working really hard on the presentation and I don’t think it was unreasonable to take a day off.
But it went from a day off to days OFF- and when I use the word off, I mean I fell off of EVERYTHING.
I fell off my healthy eating.
I fell off my writing schedule.
I fell off my exercise routine.
I fell off my posting schedule.
Suddenly, I just stopped doing all the good I’ve been doing consistently for months.
After two days I wondered, WHY am I doing this? And the excuses I listed above came, so I accepted them.
But then 3 days passed. And 4 days passed. And by the 5th day, I knew there HAD to be more to this.
I had completely done a 180 from the week before.
So I spent some time with it, considering what I was thinking and doing before I ended up in this place.
Right before the presentation I had to fight off some fears I hadn’t fought in a while. What if I mess up? What if I forget things? What if I completely freeze? What if my wifi screws up in the middle of the presentation (which it did- but I survived)?
These were things that the old me always worried about and I spent a lot of time avoiding those things by not presenting. So when I fell back into that old identity, I completely forgot who I was (and had been for a while).
I became that girl that worries she’ll mess up because she can’t STAND to make a mistake.
I became that girl that is afraid of being judged or being spoken of poorly.
I became that girl that wondered, what if this isn't good enough?
And worse, I became the girl that wondered, what if this is as good as I’m ever gonna get?
I managed to fight those thoughts and push through until the workshop was successfully completed, unlike in the past when I would allow them to stop me. But after the workshop was over, it was hard as HELL to shake those thoughts.
After they had come back for a few days, it was like my mind started to assume my old identity and it was fighting to do everything it could to realign with that OLD me. That’s why I began shutting down, getting in my own way, and doing things to destroy all my previous efforts.
Once I realized what was behind it, I had to get a grip on who I am now.
I had to reaffirm my identity, the person I am, the person I am becoming.
And that’s what I did.
Suddenly, things didn’t seem so tough anymore because I know who I am. I know what I can and can't do. And once my mind and body recognized that, it was back to the old me.
The best part? I turned that around in a week.
In the past, months would have gone by until I had to start all over again,but after doing the work, it’s getting easier and easier to recognize and get back on track.
Want to know how to do the work? Send me a message! I’d love to share all the ways I can work with you.